GOD TOLD ME

Trivia:
Today is Eid al-Adha, a Muslim religious festival to celebrate the time God told Abraham to knife his son Ismael and then went "PSYCHE" just before Abraham actually did it.


Quiz:
What do you get when you stab a baby in the eye with a fork?

A.) An erection.
B.) A sense of regret.

Mostly As: You are Ian Huntley.
Mostly Bs: That must mean you've done it. BUSTED.

I Predict a Riot

Trivia:
To "read someone the riot act" now means to "utter a warning to desist or face unpleasant consequences", but it had a very precise legal significance until it came off the UK statute books in 1973.

The act allowed local officials to order the dispersal of any group of twelve or more people who were "unlawfully, riotously, and tumultuously assembled together". If the group failed to disperse within twenty minutes, then anyone remaining gathered was guilty of a felony without benefit of clergy, punishable by death.

Wit:
Why is Mika Häkkinen such a good racing car driver?

Because he's Finnish before he's started.

Impossible Question:
Find the link.

Eating isn't cheating

Trivia:
"Eating isn't cheating"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

Wit:
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. So the barman gave her one.

Tedious sport

Trivia:
"If all the year were playing holidays; To sport would be as tedious as to work."
- Henry IV part 1

Wit:
When your overworked spouse returns from a hard day at the office to find you still playing Halo in your pyjamas, and begins the ritual henpecking on the asymmetry of your relationship, throw out the above. It will go down a treat. Or not.

Pierre-Joseph Pteranodon

Trivia:
Pierre-Joseph Proudhon was the first individual to call himself an "anarchist". His most famous work, Qu'est-ce que la propriété? Recherche sur le principe du droit et du gouvernement, was published in 1840.

Wit:
Q: Why does Pierre-Joseph Proudhon only drink fake tea?
A: Because he believes proper tea is theft.

Swearing in adverts

Trivia:
Appendix 4: Poster and Print Advertisements. There are at least a dozen conversation starters in that. Finding them is left as a trivial exercise for the reader.

(Taken from the BBC and ASA "Delete Expletives?" paper of 2000.)

Wit:
There's no point even trying today when I'm competing with "Miss Olivia Twatface".

Sesquipedalian

Trivia:
The word "sesquipedalian" was introduced by Horace in his work Ars Poetica. It has several forms, all related to the use of long words - originally coined as "sesquipedalia verba", meaning "words a foot-and-a-half long".

Wit:
If someone describes you as pretentious for your use of long words, it is THE LAW that you must reply "Yes well, I suppose you could describe my style as sesquipedalian". And then you must punch yourself repeatedly in the face.

Wankel

Trivia:
The Wankel Engine was invented by Felix Wankel, a German engineer financed by BMW and the German Air Force. Source.

Wit:
"Wankel" sounds a bit like "wank".