"...they print signs on people's bodies and call this tattaw"

Trivia:
"Tattoo" comes from the Polynesian "tatau". In Japanese, the word "irezumi" ("insertion of ink") is used for tattoos with traditional Japanese designs, or those applied using traditional methods, whereas "tattoo" is used mainly for non-Japanese designs.

Wit:
If someone asks you if you have any tattoos, stare straight into their eyes and say "No. I have a good memory".

10 Fun Facts About Nikola Tesla

1:
He was obsessed with doing things in threes and would only stay in a hotel room with a room number divisible by three. Indeed, he lived the last ten years of his life in room 3327 on the 33rd floor of the Hotel New Yorker.

2:
He never married and claimed his celibacy aided his scientific abilities.

3:
Tesla and Mark Twain were close friends.


4:
He made his first million at forty, but was unconcerned with material objects and gave away nearly all the royalties on his inventions after that.

5:
He found jewellery disgusting, especially pearl earrings.

6:
He once fired a secretary for being too fat, and sent another home to change into more tasteful attire.

7:
He was a feminist, of a sort:
"This struggle of the human female toward sex equality will end in a new sex order, with the female as superior."
Nikola Tesla

8:
He spoke eight languages.

9:
He is the only physicist to date to be portrayed on film by David Bowie.

10:
Nikola Tesla died on 7th January 1943.

On Tendres

Trivia:
Gaudily-dressed 30s comic Max Miller reputedly had two notebooks, a white notebook for 'clean' humour, and a blue one for 'adult' jokes. It is said he would ask his audience at the start of a gig which book they wanted to hear stories from. If they chose the blue book, it was their own choice and he could feel reasonably secure he was not offending anyone.

Follow Up Joke:
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. So the barman gave her one.

Then a sound engineer came in and gave her one too, one too.

Paint Me a River

Trivia: The largest painting ever made was Panorama of the Mississippi, completed by the American John Banvard in 1846. It was a strip about 5000 feet long by 12 feet wide. The painting was destroyed when the barn on Long Island, New York, where it was stored, burned down in 1891.

Class Discussion Point: If the painting burned down, how do we know it ever existed or was as large as claimed?


Follow Up: The largest painting now in existence is The Battle of Gettysburg, completed in 1883. It took Paul Philippoteaux of France and 16 assistants two-and-a-half years to paint the 410-foot-long picture. It is 70 feet high and weighs nearly five-and-a-half tonnes. The painting is now in a private collection in Winston-Salen, North Carolina, US.

Patronising Closing Remark:
"Size alone, of course, is no guide to quality."

Anthony Trollope

Trivia:
Popular Victorian novelist Anthony Trollope is credited with the introduction of the iconic red pillar box, during his time working for the Post Office, around the 1860s.


Wit:
"Of all novelists in any country, Trollope best understands the role of money. Compared with him even Balzac is a romantic."
- W.H. Auden.

Reason for Hiatus:
Christmas, innit.

GOD TOLD ME

Trivia:
Today is Eid al-Adha, a Muslim religious festival to celebrate the time God told Abraham to knife his son Ismael and then went "PSYCHE" just before Abraham actually did it.


Quiz:
What do you get when you stab a baby in the eye with a fork?

A.) An erection.
B.) A sense of regret.

Mostly As: You are Ian Huntley.
Mostly Bs: That must mean you've done it. BUSTED.

I Predict a Riot

Trivia:
To "read someone the riot act" now means to "utter a warning to desist or face unpleasant consequences", but it had a very precise legal significance until it came off the UK statute books in 1973.

The act allowed local officials to order the dispersal of any group of twelve or more people who were "unlawfully, riotously, and tumultuously assembled together". If the group failed to disperse within twenty minutes, then anyone remaining gathered was guilty of a felony without benefit of clergy, punishable by death.

Wit:
Why is Mika Häkkinen such a good racing car driver?

Because he's Finnish before he's started.

Impossible Question:
Find the link.

Eating isn't cheating

Trivia:
"Eating isn't cheating"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

Wit:
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. So the barman gave her one.

Tedious sport

Trivia:
"If all the year were playing holidays; To sport would be as tedious as to work."
- Henry IV part 1

Wit:
When your overworked spouse returns from a hard day at the office to find you still playing Halo in your pyjamas, and begins the ritual henpecking on the asymmetry of your relationship, throw out the above. It will go down a treat. Or not.

Pierre-Joseph Pteranodon

Trivia:
Pierre-Joseph Proudhon was the first individual to call himself an "anarchist". His most famous work, Qu'est-ce que la propriété? Recherche sur le principe du droit et du gouvernement, was published in 1840.

Wit:
Q: Why does Pierre-Joseph Proudhon only drink fake tea?
A: Because he believes proper tea is theft.

Swearing in adverts

Trivia:
Appendix 4: Poster and Print Advertisements. There are at least a dozen conversation starters in that. Finding them is left as a trivial exercise for the reader.

(Taken from the BBC and ASA "Delete Expletives?" paper of 2000.)

Wit:
There's no point even trying today when I'm competing with "Miss Olivia Twatface".

Sesquipedalian

Trivia:
The word "sesquipedalian" was introduced by Horace in his work Ars Poetica. It has several forms, all related to the use of long words - originally coined as "sesquipedalia verba", meaning "words a foot-and-a-half long".

Wit:
If someone describes you as pretentious for your use of long words, it is THE LAW that you must reply "Yes well, I suppose you could describe my style as sesquipedalian". And then you must punch yourself repeatedly in the face.

Wankel

Trivia:
The Wankel Engine was invented by Felix Wankel, a German engineer financed by BMW and the German Air Force. Source.

Wit:
"Wankel" sounds a bit like "wank".